1
00:00:03,535 --> 00:00:07,005
[♪]
2
00:00:15,681 --> 00:00:18,049
♪ love and marriage ♪
3
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♪ love and marriage ♪
4
00:00:20,519 --> 00:00:22,320
♪ go together like ♪
5
00:00:22,321 --> 00:00:24,789
♪ a horse and carriage ♪
6
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♪ this I tell ya, brother ♪
7
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♪ you can't have one ♪
8
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♪ without the other ♪
9
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♪ love and marriage ♪
10
00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:38,469
♪ love and marriage ♪
11
00:00:38,470 --> 00:00:39,738
♪ it's an institute ♪
12
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♪ you can't disparage ♪
13
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:46,111
♪ ask the local gentry ♪
14
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♪ and they will say
it's elementary ♪
15
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♪ try, try, try
to separate them ♪
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♪ it's an illusion ♪
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♪ try, try, try
and you will only come ♪
18
00:01:05,898 --> 00:01:07,732
♪ to this conclusion ♪
19
00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:09,834
♪ love and marriage ♪
20
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♪ and at dinnertime
we stopped and walked back ♪
21
00:01:18,878 --> 00:01:23,247
♪ to the house to eat ♪
22
00:01:23,248 --> 00:01:27,218
♪ and mama hollered out
the backdoor y'all remember ♪
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♪ to wipe your feet ♪
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♪ and then she said,
I got some news this mornin' ♪
25
00:01:34,359 --> 00:01:39,497
♪ from choctaw ridge ♪
26
00:01:39,498 --> 00:01:42,200
♪ today billie joe mcallister ♪
27
00:01:42,201 --> 00:01:46,337
♪ jumped off
the tallahatchie bridge ♪
28
00:01:46,338 --> 00:01:50,742
Harold,
this place stinks.
29
00:01:50,743 --> 00:01:53,011
I don't know
why you took me here.
30
00:01:53,012 --> 00:01:55,113
The air conditioner
isn't working,
31
00:01:55,114 --> 00:01:58,382
The room service
is terrible,
32
00:01:58,383 --> 00:02:01,485
And will you listen
to that radio?
33
00:02:01,486 --> 00:02:02,486
[turns radio off]
34
00:02:02,487 --> 00:02:05,289
This place is a disgrace!
35
00:02:05,290 --> 00:02:07,058
It's a disgrace.
36
00:02:07,059 --> 00:02:08,927
And what about
the towels?
37
00:02:08,928 --> 00:02:11,162
I asked for towels.
38
00:02:11,163 --> 00:02:14,199
How come they don't
have towels in this place?
39
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,835
This place
is a disgrace!
40
00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:18,136
It's a disgrace.
41
00:02:18,137 --> 00:02:20,171
[knock on door]
hmm.
42
00:02:20,172 --> 00:02:21,439
Finally.
43
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,808
Come in.
44
00:02:23,809 --> 00:02:25,076
A disgrace.
45
00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:30,715
Where are the towels?
46
00:02:30,716 --> 00:02:32,683
I don't see any towels.
47
00:02:32,684 --> 00:02:36,554
Wh-what is that
behind your back?
48
00:02:41,326 --> 00:02:42,326
What-- hey!
49
00:02:42,327 --> 00:02:45,163
Aah!
50
00:03:27,406 --> 00:03:29,073
Okay, it's vacation time.
51
00:03:29,074 --> 00:03:32,543
Peg, kids, we're going
to poppy's by the tree
52
00:03:32,544 --> 00:03:36,747
In picturesque
dumpwater, florida.
53
00:03:38,818 --> 00:03:41,419
Show some excitement!
54
00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:43,387
Well, I guess
it's up to me.
55
00:03:43,388 --> 00:03:44,422
Dad?
Yes, bud?
56
00:03:44,423 --> 00:03:46,457
I thought we all
voted on hawaii?
57
00:03:46,458 --> 00:03:49,060
That was just a vote, bud.
Didn't mean anything.
58
00:03:50,429 --> 00:03:52,630
Al, honey,
you promised this year
59
00:03:52,631 --> 00:03:54,598
We could take
a real vacation.
60
00:03:54,599 --> 00:03:57,035
You know, someplace we don't
look out our windows
61
00:03:57,036 --> 00:04:00,238
And see chain
gangs working.
62
00:04:00,239 --> 00:04:01,505
Come on, peg.
63
00:04:01,506 --> 00:04:05,243
We still sing those songs
we learned down there.
64
00:04:05,244 --> 00:04:07,278
But this year I found
something really special.
65
00:04:07,279 --> 00:04:09,480
Look at this brochure, peg.
66
00:04:09,481 --> 00:04:12,317
This place has
everything hawaii has.
67
00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:15,119
It's got sunshine,
a palm tree...
68
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:17,688
Uh, quicksand.
69
00:04:17,689 --> 00:04:21,625
But the best part is,
it's in the United States.
70
00:04:21,626 --> 00:04:25,196
So are the sewers
of manhattan, dad.
71
00:04:25,197 --> 00:04:28,399
Or am I spoiling
next year's vacation?
72
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,802
Al, we all appreciate your
efforts at finding
73
00:04:31,803 --> 00:04:36,007
The cheapest places in america,
but dumpwater, florida, al?
74
00:04:36,008 --> 00:04:38,109
You're gonna judge a place
by its name?
75
00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:39,911
If we did that, we never
would have experienced
76
00:04:39,912 --> 00:04:42,981
Six toe,
arkansas.
77
00:04:42,982 --> 00:04:44,182
Remember that soup,
kids?
78
00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:47,451
And don't forget those
underground fires.
79
00:04:47,452 --> 00:04:49,954
Dumpwater's gonna make
six toe look sick.
80
00:04:49,955 --> 00:04:53,191
And the best part is,
it's only $8 a night.
81
00:04:53,192 --> 00:04:55,193
See that'll give us plenty
of extra money to...
82
00:04:55,194 --> 00:04:56,861
Well, let's see...
83
00:04:56,862 --> 00:05:01,032
I don't know, but it'll
leave us plenty of money.
84
00:05:02,534 --> 00:05:04,102
My decision is made.
85
00:05:04,103 --> 00:05:07,438
Now, if people don't want
to go to poppy's,
86
00:05:07,439 --> 00:05:09,507
We can use that money
to buy one of those
87
00:05:09,508 --> 00:05:12,343
Soft toilet seats,
and make every day a vacation.
88
00:05:14,046 --> 00:05:15,479
Poppy's.
Poppy's.
89
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:17,815
Well, kids,
it is near a nice tree.
90
00:05:17,816 --> 00:05:19,117
You betcha, peg.
91
00:05:19,118 --> 00:05:21,119
And the best part is--
92
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:25,423
We're taking the family car.
93
00:05:25,424 --> 00:05:27,025
You betcha.
94
00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:30,028
And that way, we get
to see all the sights.
95
00:05:30,029 --> 00:05:31,996
You mean like the house
that defies gravity?
96
00:05:31,997 --> 00:05:33,231
That's our first stop.
97
00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:35,666
That was supposed to be
a surprise for the kids.
98
00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:36,935
You didn't hear that, kids.
99
00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:39,037
Uh, yeah, we did, dad.
100
00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:40,871
Actually, dad,
101
00:05:40,872 --> 00:05:43,774
Can we listen to the oldies
station all the way down?
102
00:05:43,775 --> 00:05:45,977
Please?
We can.
103
00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:48,779
Do we get to stop at howard
johnson's for pez?
104
00:05:48,780 --> 00:05:50,481
We do.
105
00:05:50,482 --> 00:05:52,383
And all the way
through speed-trap country,
106
00:05:52,384 --> 00:05:54,652
Do I get to pretend
I'm in labor?
107
00:05:54,653 --> 00:05:55,853
You do.
108
00:05:55,854 --> 00:05:57,855
Now, kids, I want you
to go upstairs,
109
00:05:57,856 --> 00:05:59,757
Lay out all the clothes
you want to take,
110
00:05:59,758 --> 00:06:01,659
And keep this in mind--
111
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:05,896
The first howard johnson's,
the pez is on dad.
112
00:06:05,897 --> 00:06:07,731
[doorbell rings]
113
00:06:07,732 --> 00:06:10,468
That must be
robin leach.
114
00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:16,507
Can I get some
help here?
115
00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:20,678
Well, here it is.
116
00:06:20,679 --> 00:06:23,147
But please be very careful
with our luggage.
117
00:06:23,148 --> 00:06:24,415
We just got it.
118
00:06:24,416 --> 00:06:26,417
We'll treat it as
if it were our own.
119
00:06:26,418 --> 00:06:28,987
Then I can't let you have it.
120
00:06:28,988 --> 00:06:31,289
Hey, she brought
the camera.
121
00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:33,157
Oh, now,
steve loves this camera.
122
00:06:33,158 --> 00:06:35,226
Please be very careful
with it.
123
00:06:35,227 --> 00:06:36,294
[doorbell rings]
124
00:06:39,798 --> 00:06:41,366
Hi, guys.
125
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:44,202
I was just cleaning out the
garage and I found our luggage.
126
00:06:44,203 --> 00:06:48,772
It's not the greatest,
but it's all we've got.
127
00:06:48,773 --> 00:06:50,375
Someday we'll get good luggage,
but right now,
128
00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:51,442
It will have to do.
129
00:06:51,443 --> 00:06:53,777
And you're more
than welcome to it.
130
00:06:53,778 --> 00:06:58,316
Now, here's our camera.
131
00:06:58,317 --> 00:07:00,818
It's not much,
but it's all we've got.
132
00:07:00,819 --> 00:07:04,755
You're more than welcome to--
133
00:07:04,756 --> 00:07:07,258
Marcie, that's
our good luggage.
134
00:07:07,259 --> 00:07:09,127
You gave them
our good luggage?
135
00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:10,628
Smile!
136
00:07:10,629 --> 00:07:12,430
God, I hate them.
137
00:07:12,431 --> 00:07:15,599
So, where are
you headed?
138
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,668
Well, where's
the one place you would go
139
00:07:17,669 --> 00:07:19,404
If you could go anywhere?
140
00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:20,538
Greece?
141
00:07:20,539 --> 00:07:24,308
That's right, we're going
to dumpwater, florida.
142
00:07:24,309 --> 00:07:25,709
U.S. Of a.
143
00:07:25,710 --> 00:07:29,980
Dad, our clothes are all
ready for stinkwater.
144
00:07:29,981 --> 00:07:32,016
That's dumpwater, kids.
145
00:07:32,017 --> 00:07:35,653
Come here.
Peg, you, too.
146
00:07:35,654 --> 00:07:38,956
Now, I know this is not your
first choice for a vacation.
147
00:07:38,957 --> 00:07:40,925
Does it show, dad?
Shut up, bud.
148
00:07:40,926 --> 00:07:44,429
I'm trying to explain something
important to all of you.
149
00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:47,698
Now, we're poor, so we're going
to dumpwater, florida.
150
00:07:47,699 --> 00:07:49,500
But let's look
at the positive side.
151
00:07:49,501 --> 00:07:51,869
It's a week where you
don't have to go to school.
152
00:07:51,870 --> 00:07:54,205
It's a week where I don't
have to go to work.
153
00:07:54,206 --> 00:07:56,006
And peg...
154
00:07:56,007 --> 00:07:57,408
Well, every day's
a vacation to you,
155
00:07:57,409 --> 00:07:59,110
So what am I talking
to you for?
156
00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:01,345
Now let's see some smiles,
157
00:08:01,346 --> 00:08:05,983
Because tomorrow,
the memories begin.
158
00:08:07,819 --> 00:08:10,388
[car engine running]
159
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:16,961
Al: Who wants pez?
160
00:08:16,962 --> 00:08:20,030
Bud: Aw, leave us alone.
161
00:08:27,005 --> 00:08:30,141
Al: Well, there it is-- the
biggest sinkhole in the south.
162
00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:33,144
We're really seeing
america now, eh, kids?
163
00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:34,545
Bud: Aww.
164
00:08:34,546 --> 00:08:36,847
Al: What's wrong
with you people?
165
00:08:38,450 --> 00:08:42,253
Al: Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream--
166
00:08:42,254 --> 00:08:45,156
Everybody!
167
00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:47,691
Peg, bud, kelly:
Leave us alone.
168
00:08:48,627 --> 00:08:51,162
[police siren]
169
00:08:53,165 --> 00:08:56,634
Peg: Yes, officer, I'm due
to give birth any minute.
170
00:08:56,635 --> 00:09:00,138
No, an escort to the hospital
won't be necessary, officer.
171
00:09:00,139 --> 00:09:02,740
We want our child
to be born in florida.
172
00:09:02,741 --> 00:09:05,809
Dumpwater, florida.
173
00:09:12,351 --> 00:09:13,484
Peg:
Where are the kids?
174
00:09:13,485 --> 00:09:15,686
[tires screech]
175
00:09:39,110 --> 00:09:40,611
Hot.
176
00:09:40,612 --> 00:09:41,646
Hot.
177
00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:43,214
Hot.
178
00:09:43,215 --> 00:09:45,583
Who you think's gonna
get killed this time?
179
00:09:45,584 --> 00:09:48,386
We're here!
180
00:09:55,060 --> 00:09:57,861
Let the good times roll!
181
00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:04,868
Looks better than the brochure,
doesn't it, peg?
182
00:10:04,869 --> 00:10:06,103
Hey, jethro.
183
00:10:06,104 --> 00:10:08,138
You wanna get a picture
of me and the family?
184
00:10:08,139 --> 00:10:09,773
Yeah.
185
00:10:09,774 --> 00:10:12,243
They'll be wanting one
for the paper.
186
00:10:16,014 --> 00:10:18,048
Just say, "gator bait."
187
00:10:25,224 --> 00:10:26,990
Ah, smell that air.
188
00:10:26,991 --> 00:10:29,827
I'll open a window, sir.
189
00:10:30,629 --> 00:10:32,129
Excuse me, sir.
190
00:10:32,130 --> 00:10:35,099
Uh, in your brochure it said
that you have a tv.
191
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:37,735
Yes, ma'am,
but not in the rooms.
192
00:10:37,736 --> 00:10:39,670
We meant the town has one.
193
00:10:40,839 --> 00:10:42,072
Aw, gee, al.
194
00:10:42,073 --> 00:10:43,207
No tv.
195
00:10:43,208 --> 00:10:45,243
I guess that means
we'll just have to...
196
00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:48,011
Entertain ourselves
at night.
197
00:10:48,012 --> 00:10:50,981
Well, who has it,
and how far is it?
198
00:10:52,584 --> 00:10:55,018
Where do we sleep,
out behind the still?
199
00:10:55,019 --> 00:10:57,455
She must of been mighty
scared once,
200
00:10:57,456 --> 00:11:00,558
For her hair to have turned
white at such a young age.
201
00:11:01,593 --> 00:11:03,227
Right through this door.
202
00:11:05,530 --> 00:11:08,699
Aw, hey. I asked
for the twin beds.
203
00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:10,301
Dad, I don't think these
are exact twins.
204
00:11:10,302 --> 00:11:13,036
One has a lawnmower
on it.
205
00:11:13,037 --> 00:11:15,205
Well, enjoy your stay, folks.
206
00:11:15,206 --> 00:11:16,840
And remember our motto:
207
00:11:16,841 --> 00:11:21,279
"if we don't have it, you should
have brought it with you."
208
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:24,982
And remember our motto:
"we don't have it."
209
00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:29,219
Well, kids,
what do you think?
210
00:11:29,220 --> 00:11:31,622
I think that if I can get
a rope over that beam,
211
00:11:31,623 --> 00:11:34,392
That I can hang myself.
212
00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:35,593
I'll help you find one.
213
00:11:39,364 --> 00:11:40,998
[door slams]
214
00:11:42,467 --> 00:11:44,168
What's the matter
with everybody?
215
00:11:44,169 --> 00:11:46,036
We're all mad at you, al.
216
00:11:46,037 --> 00:11:47,672
We wanted to go to hawaii.
217
00:11:47,673 --> 00:11:49,540
Ah, what's so great
about hawaii?
218
00:11:49,541 --> 00:11:52,209
The sun shines down here too.
219
00:11:52,210 --> 00:11:53,811
But look what it lights up.
220
00:11:55,347 --> 00:11:57,080
It's--
it's just different.
221
00:11:57,081 --> 00:11:58,416
It's...
222
00:11:58,417 --> 00:12:00,384
It's $8 a night, peg.
223
00:12:00,385 --> 00:12:01,786
Couldn't you learn to like it?
224
00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:05,189
Well...Okay, I'll try.
225
00:12:05,190 --> 00:12:06,624
But you know you got to admit
226
00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:08,959
There is something weird
about this place.
227
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:10,994
I mean the people,
the way they look at you...
228
00:12:10,995 --> 00:12:13,331
Like you're dinner.
229
00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:14,765
That's ridiculous, peg.
230
00:12:14,766 --> 00:12:16,066
There's nobody looking at us.
231
00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:27,378
I tell you,
this place is fine.
232
00:12:27,379 --> 00:12:29,714
Your problem
is you're a city girl.
233
00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:31,148
You don't know
how to unwind.
234
00:12:31,149 --> 00:12:35,720
Or keep house or get a job
or bring any money home.
235
00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:38,922
Now, eh, let's look
at our complimentary
236
00:12:38,923 --> 00:12:42,827
Dumpwater floridian and see
what the town has to offer.
237
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:45,496
Uh...Where's
the entertainment section?
238
00:12:45,497 --> 00:12:48,566
Ah.
Page two.
239
00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:51,034
Here we go.
240
00:12:51,035 --> 00:12:52,302
Oh, look.
241
00:12:52,303 --> 00:12:57,040
There's a two-headed pickled
goat down by the courthouse.
242
00:12:57,041 --> 00:12:58,141
Oh, al.
243
00:12:58,142 --> 00:13:01,044
Let's do something
we can't do at home.
244
00:13:01,045 --> 00:13:02,813
Fine. How about looking
for a good meal?
245
00:13:02,814 --> 00:13:04,648
Let's not argue.
246
00:13:04,649 --> 00:13:07,918
As pathetic as it is,
you are my husband,
247
00:13:07,919 --> 00:13:09,720
And this is
our vacation.
248
00:13:09,721 --> 00:13:11,088
That's the spirit, peg.
249
00:13:11,089 --> 00:13:13,957
Ah...Look here.
250
00:13:13,958 --> 00:13:14,958
Tonight at the high school--
251
00:13:14,959 --> 00:13:17,495
"meet the man
who met andy griffith."
252
00:13:21,299 --> 00:13:22,700
Are you that jaded, peg?
253
00:13:23,368 --> 00:13:24,535
Hi.
254
00:13:24,536 --> 00:13:27,037
I brought you some towels
and some t.P.
255
00:13:27,038 --> 00:13:29,106
Didn't you see the
"do not disturb" sign?
256
00:13:29,107 --> 00:13:31,809
Oh, we just put that out
as a nicety.
257
00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:33,544
I mean, nobody
here's gonna disturb you.
258
00:13:37,148 --> 00:13:39,149
I'll just put the t.P.
In the b.R.
259
00:13:39,150 --> 00:13:40,551
No, no.
260
00:13:40,552 --> 00:13:41,819
Not over there.
261
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:45,122
Could you put it down
over there?
262
00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:53,731
You look like a nice couple.
263
00:13:53,732 --> 00:13:55,999
Oh, you too.
264
00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:05,342
I picked this towel
special for you.
265
00:14:05,343 --> 00:14:08,378
Don't tell anybody
that I gave it to you.
266
00:14:08,379 --> 00:14:11,081
Is there anything else
I can do for you?
267
00:14:11,082 --> 00:14:12,983
Gee, I don't know.
268
00:14:12,984 --> 00:14:15,018
Al, you want her
to bend over again
269
00:14:15,019 --> 00:14:20,458
You know, to pick up
your tongue or anything?
270
00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:22,726
Peg, just stand there and age.
271
00:14:22,727 --> 00:14:24,294
I'm busy.
272
00:14:24,295 --> 00:14:27,798
Let me get the door
for you.
273
00:14:27,799 --> 00:14:32,269
Your husband really
is sweet.
274
00:14:32,270 --> 00:14:35,172
Hm. That must be why
the flies love him.
275
00:14:40,512 --> 00:14:45,248
Don't you forget to use
that special towel now.
276
00:14:47,886 --> 00:14:50,053
She's out the door, al.
277
00:14:50,054 --> 00:14:51,455
Gee, this is nice here.
278
00:14:51,456 --> 00:14:52,923
Let's move here.
279
00:14:52,924 --> 00:14:55,593
Well, you just keep pulling
in those big bucks,
280
00:14:55,594 --> 00:15:00,531
And in 100 years, maybe we can
afford a shack just like this.
281
00:15:00,532 --> 00:15:03,333
You're jealous because
you don't have a special towel.
282
00:15:03,334 --> 00:15:05,335
Oh, why don't you
take a shower
283
00:15:05,336 --> 00:15:09,439
And wash off
that special odor.
284
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:11,241
You know, peg, I don't know
what's so special
285
00:15:11,242 --> 00:15:12,643
About this towel.
286
00:15:12,644 --> 00:15:14,612
We'll steal it anyway.
287
00:15:19,551 --> 00:15:21,819
"3 a.M."
288
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:23,086
"3 a.M."
289
00:15:23,087 --> 00:15:24,688
Damn, I had 3 a.M.
Last time.
290
00:15:24,689 --> 00:15:29,527
Hell, we always find
the bodies before 3 a.M.
291
00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:32,362
Here's my dollar.
292
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:36,133
All right!
Midnight.
293
00:15:36,134 --> 00:15:37,902
All: Ooh.
294
00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:41,104
Hey, becky.
295
00:15:41,105 --> 00:15:42,840
You want in?
296
00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:44,842
Still a couple of times
left in the lottery.
297
00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:46,977
No!
298
00:15:46,978 --> 00:15:49,013
I think it's terrible you
betting on what time
299
00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:50,614
That poor obnoxious
family's going to get chopped
300
00:15:50,615 --> 00:15:53,383
Into little bitty pieces.
301
00:15:53,384 --> 00:15:57,187
And for what, $20?
302
00:15:57,188 --> 00:15:58,789
It's up to 25.
303
00:15:58,790 --> 00:16:00,891
I'm in.
304
00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:05,763
Show us.
What you got?
305
00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:07,064
Shh!
306
00:16:07,065 --> 00:16:08,799
It's the youngun's.
307
00:16:22,180 --> 00:16:25,248
That poor little
white-haired girl.
308
00:16:25,249 --> 00:16:27,952
You'd think she'd
throw some dye on it.
309
00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:31,321
Can I help you?
310
00:16:31,322 --> 00:16:33,657
Yeah, is there
any actual food here,
311
00:16:33,658 --> 00:16:36,760
Or do I just stand by a bug
light with my mouth open?
312
00:16:38,229 --> 00:16:40,330
Hey, even bumpkins
have feelings, kell.
313
00:16:40,331 --> 00:16:41,599
What do you want?
314
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,467
A bus ticket
and a real family,
315
00:16:43,468 --> 00:16:46,904
But for now, I'll settle
for a couple burgers.
316
00:16:46,905 --> 00:16:50,040
Two burgers, beanie!
317
00:16:52,978 --> 00:16:54,344
How about you?
318
00:16:54,345 --> 00:16:55,378
Is he the cook?
319
00:16:55,379 --> 00:16:56,714
Yep.
320
00:16:56,715 --> 00:16:59,883
I'll have a coke.
321
00:16:59,884 --> 00:17:02,019
Unopened.
322
00:17:05,356 --> 00:17:06,657
Well, bud.
323
00:17:06,658 --> 00:17:07,725
Here we are.
324
00:17:07,726 --> 00:17:10,360
Another great bundy vacation.
325
00:17:10,361 --> 00:17:13,230
You know, other kids, they get
to go to europe or hawaii.
326
00:17:13,231 --> 00:17:14,397
No.
327
00:17:14,398 --> 00:17:16,166
We get to go to hee-haw.
328
00:17:16,167 --> 00:17:22,405
There's not another
human being for mi-- hello.
329
00:17:22,406 --> 00:17:24,008
See you in a week.
330
00:17:24,009 --> 00:17:25,009
Where are you going?
331
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:28,478
To get buns for my burger.
332
00:17:28,479 --> 00:17:31,749
Hey kell, mom and dad said not
to wander off without them.
333
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:34,284
Mom will understand.
334
00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:48,365
Thanks, kell.
That's real nice.
335
00:17:48,366 --> 00:17:51,234
Leave me
with the tree people.
336
00:17:54,172 --> 00:17:56,373
Your drink's ready.
337
00:17:56,374 --> 00:17:59,442
I'm going to go ax
the burgers now.
338
00:17:59,443 --> 00:18:00,944
Fine.
339
00:18:00,945 --> 00:18:03,914
There won't be any screaming,
will there?
340
00:18:25,336 --> 00:18:26,970
To dixie!
341
00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:35,813
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to scare you.
342
00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:37,748
I wasn't scared.
343
00:18:37,749 --> 00:18:42,186
It was a...Reflex
action from the war.
344
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:43,987
Sit down.
345
00:18:45,757 --> 00:18:50,761
So, uh, you don't smell like
everybody else around here.
346
00:18:50,762 --> 00:18:52,062
Well, thank you.
347
00:18:52,063 --> 00:18:54,397
They say you're
from chicago.
348
00:18:54,398 --> 00:18:56,600
Yep. Chicago.
Chi-town.
349
00:18:56,601 --> 00:18:59,569
The windy city.
350
00:18:59,570 --> 00:19:02,106
My kind of town.
351
00:19:02,107 --> 00:19:03,807
It must be exciting.
352
00:19:03,808 --> 00:19:09,546
Well, it is for me.
I'm a cop.
353
00:19:09,547 --> 00:19:10,547
Bundy.
354
00:19:10,548 --> 00:19:11,548
Bud bundy.
355
00:19:11,549 --> 00:19:13,283
Chicago vice.
356
00:19:13,284 --> 00:19:14,517
Really?
357
00:19:14,518 --> 00:19:15,585
I'm also a millionaire.
358
00:19:15,586 --> 00:19:18,756
See, I made my money--
there he is.
359
00:19:18,757 --> 00:19:23,660
Oh, bud, did you take
your milk of magnesia?
360
00:19:23,661 --> 00:19:24,762
He didn't.
361
00:19:25,830 --> 00:19:27,064
Bud.
362
00:19:27,065 --> 00:19:29,066
How do you expect to get rid
of that constipation
363
00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:31,168
If you won't
take your laxatives.
364
00:19:33,738 --> 00:19:36,974
Hey, bud, you made
a little friend, huh?
365
00:19:36,975 --> 00:19:37,975
Yeah, and you can help.
366
00:19:37,976 --> 00:19:39,943
You got any pictures
of me on the potty
367
00:19:39,944 --> 00:19:41,211
You'd like to show her?
368
00:19:41,212 --> 00:19:43,247
Well, excuse us,
mr. Sensitive.
369
00:19:47,118 --> 00:19:49,086
Have you seen
your sister?
370
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:54,457
No, thank you.
I don't drink.
371
00:19:54,458 --> 00:19:56,426
Mom, dad, I didn't know
you guys were here.
372
00:19:56,427 --> 00:19:58,128
[burp]
373
00:20:00,598 --> 00:20:03,200
What's going on?
374
00:20:03,201 --> 00:20:04,802
Well, we were
gonna go for a walk,
375
00:20:04,803 --> 00:20:07,037
But we heard
on the radio it might rain.
376
00:20:07,038 --> 00:20:11,441
Hey, goob,
that radio upstairs stinks.
377
00:20:11,442 --> 00:20:13,177
Now I'm paying $8 american,
all right?.
378
00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:14,978
Get one of these guys
out of the pigpen
379
00:20:14,979 --> 00:20:16,847
And let's get
that thing working, huh?
380
00:20:16,848 --> 00:20:19,549
Hey, who wants
some down-home cooking?
381
00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:21,351
Hey, elmo, vittles
for the family.
382
00:20:21,352 --> 00:20:25,388
Uh, al, honey, maybe you
should be a little nicer
383
00:20:25,389 --> 00:20:26,389
To these people.
384
00:20:26,390 --> 00:20:27,590
I don't think
they like us.
385
00:20:27,591 --> 00:20:30,627
Hey, peg, I get
yelled at all year long.
386
00:20:30,628 --> 00:20:32,296
Now this is my money
and my vacation.
387
00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:34,031
My turn to be
the customer.
388
00:20:34,032 --> 00:20:35,765
But al, it's obnoxious.
389
00:20:35,766 --> 00:20:37,201
So what?
390
00:20:37,202 --> 00:20:39,602
What can they do,
kill us?
391
00:20:44,042 --> 00:20:47,277
All singing:
♪ I got a shotgun, a rifle
and a four-wheel drive ♪
392
00:20:47,278 --> 00:20:51,281
♪ a country boy can survive ♪
393
00:20:53,218 --> 00:20:56,253
You know I have to admit,
al, you were right.
394
00:20:56,254 --> 00:21:00,324
Treat people like scum, and they
just can't do enough for you.
395
00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:03,693
I mean, everybody
was so friendly to us.
396
00:21:03,694 --> 00:21:07,464
It was as if tonight
were our last night on earth.
397
00:21:07,465 --> 00:21:08,598
[thunder booms]
398
00:21:08,599 --> 00:21:10,200
You're starting to like
it here, aren't you?
399
00:21:10,201 --> 00:21:11,534
All:
Yeah.
400
00:21:11,535 --> 00:21:13,871
Dad, can we go down to the
high school tomorrow night
401
00:21:13,872 --> 00:21:15,805
And meet the man who met
andy griffith?
402
00:21:15,806 --> 00:21:18,641
Since when do you
like andy griffith?
403
00:21:18,642 --> 00:21:22,145
Since gloria
wants to go.
404
00:21:22,146 --> 00:21:23,947
Bud's in love.
405
00:21:23,948 --> 00:21:25,815
I am not.
He's blushing, mom.
406
00:21:25,816 --> 00:21:28,485
She's pregnant, dad.
407
00:21:28,486 --> 00:21:30,387
Am not!
408
00:21:30,388 --> 00:21:33,056
Well, then I guess
it's just your beer belly.
409
00:21:33,057 --> 00:21:35,325
Now, kids, we can
do this at home.
410
00:21:35,326 --> 00:21:38,195
Go to bed, and then we'll
decide what to do tomorrow.
411
00:21:39,463 --> 00:21:40,764
[thunder booms]
412
00:21:40,765 --> 00:21:44,734
Oh, al, our kids are really
growing up fast.
413
00:21:44,735 --> 00:21:47,204
Soon they won't need us
for anything.
414
00:21:47,205 --> 00:21:49,373
How soon, peg?
415
00:21:49,374 --> 00:21:52,642
Not soon enough.
416
00:21:52,643 --> 00:21:55,812
You know, honey, it really
is kind of romantic here.
417
00:21:55,813 --> 00:21:57,981
With the rain beating
against the window,
418
00:21:57,982 --> 00:22:01,919
The wind whistling
through the trees.
419
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,620
Uh-oh.
420
00:22:09,994 --> 00:22:11,194
Comfortable, al?
421
00:22:11,195 --> 00:22:13,330
Does it matter, peg?
422
00:22:13,331 --> 00:22:14,464
Not really.
423
00:22:14,465 --> 00:22:18,135
Aw, peg, this was supposed
to be my vacation.
424
00:22:18,136 --> 00:22:20,237
Get to work, al.
425
00:22:20,238 --> 00:22:23,506
All right.
Get my dramamine.
426
00:22:24,842 --> 00:22:26,109
Aah!
Aah!
427
00:22:44,062 --> 00:22:47,931
[♪]